


We are all Broken

by agenthaywood



Series: Someday You'll Understand [10]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, This is heavy, this is going to take some time to read, you're not going to like me any more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 02:39:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3192167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenthaywood/pseuds/agenthaywood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been one hell of a day...</p>
            </blockquote>





	We are all Broken

**Author's Note:**

> So this is along one. I thought about splitting it into two but I just couldn't find that point where the story could separate nicely. Now you have an extra long installment to hold you over to the next one!

We are all Broken

 

In hindsight, maybe Mack should’ve waited a few seconds before sliding on the creeper to work on the SUV. He might not have been under the wheel base when the shocks started bouncing. He might not be scarred for life either when the low level moans started coming out of the vehicle.

 

Mack’s first instinct was to check to make sure Bobbi and Hunter weren’t disgracing more of his trucks. When he saw them leaning against the wall in the back of the garage with their arms crossed in a “don’t look at us” posture, Mack was at a loss.

 

\--

 

Skye pressed open mouth kisses to Ward’s throat. His hands roughly grabbing her waist made Skye bite down on his neck to stifle their moans. She knew the others would be able to hear them if they weren’t quiet.

 

Still, it was hard to be quiet when Ward knew _exactly_ where to touch her to make her head spin.

 

Ward was on top pounding into her while Skye grabbed and clawed at his arms and back in a futile attempt to get closer to him than she already was. Ward dipped his head to catch one of Skye’s hardened nipples between his teeth and Skye couldn’t contain her harsh gasp.

 

Ward was almost folded in on himself but it gave him an easier way to fuck Skye harder than he normally could in the bed. She responded with eagerness filling her every move. Every time she gasped she pressed her nails harder into Ward’s back. He could feel the skin threatening to break under her strong fingers but he didn’t mind the pain. It kept him lucid enough to snake one of his hands between them and start roughly toying with her clit.

 

Skye’s head fell back against the leather seat with a firm thump as the myriad of sensations washed through her again and again. She took one of the hands she had digging into Ward’s back to the cusp of his neck. She dragged his head down to hers and bit his lips in an attempt to kiss him.

 

Skye felt the knot in her core ready to come undone and pressed herself harder against Ward. Hushed commands of “faster, harder, deeper,” rang through quietly of the interior of the blacked-out SUV.

 

\--

 

Bobbi, Hunter, and Mack all stood awkwardly against the wall of the cargo hold across the ramp from the SUV. They could hear their colleagues going at it and none quite knew how to proceed.

 

“So this is how it feels to be on the other end,” Hunter spoke up with a torn look on his face. It wasn’t every day that he was standing around awkwardly listening to two of his coworkers fucking inside of an SUV. He was usually inside said SUV participating. He shuddered at the thought. Skye was attractive sure, but the turncoat was where he drew the line.

 

\--

 

Skye was livid. Ward had angled his hips to where the thrusts caused his pelvic bone to strike her clit. That freed his hands to knead her breasts and comb through her hair.

 

Before the end came upon her, Ward took Skye’s lips in a chaste kiss in a futile attempt to quiet her moans. If there was one thing he had learn about Skye in recent events, she was a screamer.

 

\--

 

It was a futile attempt.

 

“So either he’s _really_ good at what he’s doing, or it’s been a while for her.” Bobbie mused as she sipped on her beer.

 

The three of them had an understanding that they were all assholes so it wasn’t exactly weird that they were all leaning against the wall with Hunter holding a six pack between them.

 

The SUV was still shaking and Mack gave silent props to Ward. The man had good stamina for someone who’d been locked up for a while.

 

Skye’s next scream didn’t sound filtered, and even if it was, Bobbie thought it must’ve pretty damn good for that kind of reaction.

 

When the SUV stopped shaking sporadically, the three watchers decided that the two lovebirds must’ve been done with their, “activities.”

 

\--

 

Skye felt a sudden loss when Ward pulled out of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him back down on top of her. Having Ward on top of her was the same as a security blanket, warm and comforting.

 

Skye’s almost positive there was someone outside listening. May was more adamant than Ward when it came to being aware of her surroundings regardless of the situation. It was spotty, but Skye was able to hear the clanking of beer bottles and hushed whispers.

 

“So, how long do you think we should give them before they start running up the stairs?” Ward’s beard tickled Skye’s neck eliciting a small giggle from her before she buried her face in the crook of his shoulder.

 

“Three, maybe five seconds?” Skye joked into the sweaty skin of his neck. Her eyes were getting heavy.

 

“You can’t sleep in here, Skye.” Ward sighed.

 

“I’ve done it before, I can do it again.” Skye mumbled sleepily.

 

“Come on Skye, get your clothes back in order.” Ward chuckled as he started the difficult task of putting his clothes back on while sitting in an SUV.

 

Thank God for spacious seating. When all was said and done Ward had his jeans zipped back up and Skye had her boobs readjusted back inside her bra and a shirt pulled over them.

 

Skye placed her hand over the part of her neck she was certain Ward had bruised. She would probably have to wear a turtleneck or her cowl for a couple days.

 

_Damn you, Ward._ Skye thought in what was supposed to be anger but quickly melted to calmness when Ward wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

 

“Can we stay here for a little while?” Skye mumbled weakly. She didn’t want to face the others yet. They were going to judge her for being with Ward and Skye really didn’t to deal with that right now.

 

“Sorry, but I’m pretty sure May’s going to want to talk to you. Besides, I need to debrief with Coulson.” Ward apologized. He squeezed her shoulder with his hand once before releasing her.

 

Skye held in a sigh of disappointment when Ward’s warm touch left her. She didn’t want to sound clingy but Ward made her forget! He made her forget the lies and the missions and the training and the killings. He made her believe she was just Skye for a little while.

 

He made her forget the pain, even the pain _he_ caused her.

 

\--

 

Ward shuffled on his feet in the command center. Skye was next to him with her arms crossed across her chest and a blank mask in place. If Coulson saw the hickey forming on Skye’s neck, he didn’t mention it, nobody did.

 

Bobbi and Hunter were brushing shoulders near the adjacent wall. Mack was sitting in a flight chair behind the glass, he could still hear the conversation but opted out of standing with them.

 

Coulson was debriefing them. Standard wording and congratulations. It wasn’t anything special. Coulson commended Ward on the shot he took.

 

_So he just butters everybody up?_ Ward thought amusedly as he listened to Coulson prattle off the little details that went into every S.H.I.E.L.D. debriefing Ward had ever been a part of. It meant nothing to him then and it meant nothing to him now.

 

Ward turned his attention to Skye and saw that she had the same emptiness to her eyes that he felt in his own, but he also saw the yearning. The desire for the man on the screen to be the man she knew on the BUS all that time ago.

 

He wasn’t. That was something Ward understood as soon as he was cuffed back at Cybertek. HYDRA brought out a darkness in everyone, especially the remaining S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. Ward noted that some of them had coped alright as he watched May slink back into the cockpit like the quiet feline she was.

 

“And when you return to base I want Quinn brought straight to Vault D. Skye, you are to have no interaction with him, is that understood?” Coulson’s orders brought Ward out of his thoughts. He saw Skye’s shoulders tense and her lips fade into a thin line.

 

“Copy that,” flowed from her mouth with trained ease. Coulson took it and cut off his video feed.

 

“We’ll be landing in 45 minutes. Buckle in for the last stretch.” May’s voice echoed across the speakers of the BUS’ interior.

 

Skye’s shoulders dropped and she made her way back to her bunk. Bobbi and Hunter walked over to where Mack was sitting and Ward saw Hunter pull a deck of cards from his shirt pocket.

 

Ward stood on his feet. Normally at this time Ward would go to the boxing bag in the cargo hold or open his sniper kit for quick cleaning. Now, what was he to do?

 

“Ward, come to the cockpit.” May ordered over the intercom. The three friends at the table looked at him with something Ward suspected kids in school reserved for someone sent to the principal’s office.

 

Ward walked over to the cockpit and bit down on the twinge of anxiety threatening to build up his neck. He pulled the handle up and pulled the door open. The cockpit was how he remembered it being when he flew with Skye after Providence, clean. It was a subtle allusion to May. The quiet reverence. The organized mind that was always able to compartmentalize even in the most emotional of situations.

 

Ward sat down in the copilot seat. May didn’t speak for the first few minutes. She just adjusted controls and dials and moved the yoke in tempered movements with the wind to ensure a steady flight.

 

“How is she?” May asked without turning to look at him.

 

“Scared, anxious,” Ward answered in a measured response.

 

“Does that explain what happened in the car?” May asked with what Ward had come to learn was a tiny bit of mirth in her voice. May didn’t come right out and joke but if they listened, they could catch the playfulness in her tone at times.

 

“Like I said, she was anxious and she wanted to take care of the, _energy_.” Ward spoke. This was getting awkward.

 

May let out a huff that betrayed the stoic mask on her face.

 

“This deal wasn’t meant for you to get conjugal visits, Ward.” May chastised.

 

“If it makes a difference, Skye’s the one that initiates.” Ward replied in mock defense.

 

“I bet she does.” May countered.

 

“Did you really call me in here to talk about my sex life?” Ward knew better. May was never one for small talk that much he didn’t think would ever change.

 

“No, I need to know she’s not going to do anything stupid with Quinn on board.” May fell back into her mask. It was simpler this way, to be detached to it all. The decisions were easier to make.

 

“That depends on you and Coulson.” Ward answered.

 

“Why?” May didn’t understand. What did they have to do with any of this?

 

“Skye thinks you’re mad at her.” Ward said simply.

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” May asked.

 

“You had a good childhood didn’t you?” Ward chuckled. When May’s face remained impassive he cleared his throat before continuing.

 

“Skye’s scared that if you and Coulson are mad at her, you’ll take her off missions as punishment. That makes her scared of losing you.” Ward explained.

 

May didn’t let it show, but she was shocked at the information. Skye was normally a very independent woman. She only started falling in line in the last few months. From the day the two met May knew if Skye didn’t like an order, she’d disobey. It didn’t make any sense for Skye to be so dependent on them.

 

On _her._

Ward sat back and let May adjust to the new information. He understood that Skye was going to be more truthful with him than with May. It was simple reasoning really. Skye was scared of what May and Coulson would think about her. Ward had proven his sincerity. He wasn’t going to think any less of her for being scared.

 

“How should we handle it?” May asked quietly. She didn’t like asking Ward for help but he was the only one with any access to Skye pass the agent mask she wore so well.

 

“I don’t know,” Ward replied after a moment. He didn’t know honestly. He knew how to take her mind off things and get her to accept what she does but he didn’t know how to alleviate her fear of abandonment. It wasn’t exactly something he learned from anybody in his time.

 

May released a disappointed sigh. She wasn’t looking forward to talking to Coulson about this. The Director had a soft spot for Skye but he’d gotten better about pushing his personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. Skye was a capable agent. That meant she was needed on missions. She could keep her mentalities locked down and assume the role of a field agent faster than anyone else would be able to.

 

Faster than anybody _should_ be able to.

 

“Can I trust you to fly the plane without trying to kill us?” May asked leaving no room for an answer other than “yes.”

 

Ward nodded solemnly before assuming control of the yoke and pedals in front of him. When May released hers, there was no distinct telling of the switch between pilots.

 

May left the cockpit and made a straight line for Skye’s bunk. If Skye wasn’t with Ward or in the SUV, she would be there.

 

\--

 

Skye was hugging a pillow close to her chest. She still had that nice lightheadedness from her time with Ward. Now she was trying her best to catch a small nap before the plane landed.

 

Skye released a small sigh. The pillows weren’t helping. Ward wasn’t going to let her sleep on him right now. Not that she blamed him, she knew he was a workaholic and using him as a body pillow must’ve been leaving him anxious.

 

Still, he was proving to put her to sleep faster than any soft pillow did.

 

Skye stirred from her restless state when she heard a soft knock on her door. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood to slide the bunk door open.

 

May was standing outside with her arms crossed. Skye ushered the woman in and she took a seat on the edge of Skye’s bed. Skye sat against the wall and pulled a pillow back in front of her chest.

 

Skye waited for her SO to speak. She started worrying her lower lip between her teeth when the seconds starting dragging on longer than she would have liked.

 

“You feeling any better?” May spoke slowly. She didn’t know much about approaching emotional situations but she knew how to approach a target. Keep them calm and make them feel they’re in control. It wasn’t a perfect system but it was what she had.

 

“Yeah, sorry I stormed out earlier.” Skye spoke softly. May didn’t know if it was shame or the permanent tiredness that had settled into everyone’s bones since HYDRA came out.

 

“I’m sorry I had to throw the punishment in your face like that. You need to understand that Coulson has a plan, and we need to follow it. He knows more about the big picture than he tells us.” May defended herself.

 

“Yeah, I know.” Skye affirmed. Secrets were even more abundant now than they used to be.

 

“Are you going to be okay with this?” May didn’t have to speak about specifics. She knew Skye understood what she was referring to.

 

“I’ll try to keep my hands off him. Just don’t assign me to protection detail or anything like that and there shouldn’t be any problems.” Skye warned.

 

“I think you’re forgetting who’s the SO and who’s the field agent.” May smirked.

 

“I’m not. I just know you’ll want someone watching him and Hunter’s more than capable of doing that himself.” Skye reasoned.

 

“Yes he is. But I also know the importance of teaching you to contain your anger when you’re asked to do something you don’t like. Quinn represents that opportunity.” May explained.

 

“So you _want_ me in the same room as the man who shot me?” Skye asked in disbelief.

 

“Ward will be there. I don’t trust him any further than I could throw him but I know he’d kill Quinn before he could lay a finger on you.” May spoke softly, her expression not betraying the steel in her gaze.

 

“And if I refuse?” Skye already knew the answer but she still wanted to make sure it hadn’t changed.

 

“Then you’ll be taken off mission rotation. Coulson will be disappointed.” May told her deadpanned, like the words meant nothing to her.

 

They didn’t.

 

She didn’t understand why Coulson’s opinion mattered so much to Skye. He was Director, sure. He was the boss. That didn’t mean that his disapproval over something as small as Skye refusing to watch Quinn would matter.

 

Skye was living in a van for _years_ before S.H.I.E.L.D. found her, why would Coulson’s opinion matter to her now? May thought she’d gotten that vestige of emotional input on missions trained out of Skye.

 

Maybe she hadn’t.

 

Before they could talk anymore, Ward announced that they were about to begin landing procedures. They were back at the PLAYGROUND.

 

\--

 

Ward and Hunter stood at the sides of the Cage with pistols at the ready. May was inside prepping Quinn for the move to Vault D.

 

_Prepping,_ Ward thought. It wasn’t prepping. It was beating the man until he lost every ounce of fight in him. It made moving prisoners easier on guards. HYDRA operatives embedded in S.H.I.E.L.D. did it more frequently, a way to release the stress about working undercover, but that never meant that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were above it.

 

May certainly wasn’t.

 

When the door to the cage opened Ward gripped the pistol in the holster on his thigh automatically. Hunter stayed leant against the wall with his arms crossed.

 

May walked out of the cage with a rather bloodied Quinn on her arm. She spun him into Ward’s awaiting grip and walked off, obviously still fuming from whatever pit of anger she decided to unleash that day.

 

“Alright, thanks love. No, no, we got it, don’t worry about it. Go do whatever it is you’re going to do.” Hunter sassed in a loud voice. May flipped him off and turned the corner that lead to the cockpit.

 

Quinn, for some reason, chose that moment to downright pass out in Ward’s grip and slump against the former agent’s frame. Hunter stood up straight and was about to help bolster the weight but Ward threw the unconscious man over his shoulder and started walking down to the hold.

 

_So prison does leave room for improvements,_ Hunter thought wistfully. He trotted after Ward and followed him to the bottom of the stairs in the cargo hold with Skye leaning against the SUV.

 

Skye didn’t look the least bit happy, but she didn’t look mad either. She had a look of indifference plastered on her face with concrete. Ward checked her holster and saw something that shouldn’t have made his stomach turn, but it did.

 

A .45 in place of the ICER she normally carried.

 

_Hopefully May’s taught her emotional distancing._ Ward thought sparingly as he walked around the SUV and down the cargo ramp. He adjusted Quinn on his shoulders and moved him to the more comfortable fireman position.

 

Skye watched the muscles in his back tense and flex under the shirt he was wearing. She felt her mouth run dry and her heartbeat start elevating against her will. Skye took a breath to center herself. It was neither the time nor place for that to happen.

 

\--

 

Vault D looked exactly like Ward remembered it save the table and chair in place of his cot. He laid Quinn down on the ground inside the cell and walked out toward Skye who was holding a tablet in the crook of her arm.

 

“How’s it feel to be on the other side?” Skye asked with a hint of a teasing smile.

 

“Better,” Ward answered letting his hand caress Skye’s check as she tapped the commands into the tablet activating the laser grid and opaque wall of the cell.

 

Skye leant into Ward’s touch. It shouldn’t have been this easy to let old feelings crawl up but for some reason it was.

 

_Coulson wouldn’t approve, Skye._ May’s voice ringed through Skye’s head and she felt an emptiness claw at her insides. She freed herself from Ward’s hand and walked up the stairs quickly, pointedly avoiding his gaze.

 

Ward watched confusedly as Skye closed the door behind her in her rush. He followed after her but once he was out the door Mack took him by the arm and started pulling him to the lab.

 

\--

 

Bobbi and Hunter were leaning against one of the island counters in the lab. Fitz had left to take a nap and Simmons was taking care of cataloging some files in one of the other vaults. This left the lab empty for them to talk to Ward.

 

Mack walked into view with Ward on his arm. If they didn’t know any better, Bobbi and Hunter would have assumed that Ward was plotting all of their deaths.

 

Though, it was still a possibility.

 

Mack sat Ward down on a stool by another island counter before he walked to stand by his friends.

 

“Mind if I ask what this about?” Ward asked, his voice dripping with carelessness.

 

“We want to know the story. The _whole_ story, not just the cliff note version Coulson gave us.” Hunter spoke with authority. Ward almost found it funny how the smallest one of them seemed to be the one in charge.

 

A small smile broke out on his bearded face because he still found the situation funny. Coulson didn’t even give them the _full_ cliff notes version.

 

“Where do you want to start, me and Garrett or the Team?” Ward asked running a hand over his tired face.

 

Hunter turned to look at Bobbi with Mack with questioning eyes. The both nodded their heads to confirm their silent conversation.

 

“Garrett. All Coulson’s said about him is that he went nuts. We want to know the whole truth.” Hunter started. It never sat well with him that Hartley, God rest her soul, wouldn’t tell him the specifics of the Garrett guy whose name was practically taboo in the base.

 

“He did go nuts, but, it was a long time before Coulson ever saw it.” Ward began his story.

 

He was going to need a drink tonight.

 

\--

 

Skye was curled up in a drainage pipe along the outside wall of the PLAYGROUND. She found the crevice while she was walking around trying to avoid talking to anybody. May tried but Skye just brushed her off.

 

She had her knees pulled up close to her chest and her head resting in the crook between them and her crossed arms. It wasn’t the best position to sit for a long time in, but Skye couldn’t find a reason to move.

 

Ward was making things confusing. On one hand, she had someone to talk to and blow off steam with. On the other hand, he was a known traitor to S.H.I.E.L.D. and the reason why Fitz could barely speak let alone work. He was the reason Simmons left everybody. He was the reason why May and Trip had to bolster the majority of the Specialist work while Skye kept training.

 

Skye felt tears prick her eyes. She tried to blink them back but they came anyway. She didn’t feel sad, just numb. Nothing made any sense anymore. She couldn’t be with Ward because he betrayed everybody. She couldn’t be mad at Simmons for abandoning everyone because she was on a mission. She couldn’t even be upset that they had the man that shot her in the basement for Christ’s sake!

 

Skye looked at the tablet she had laying on the dirty metal of the pipe and saw that Quinn was still passed out on the floor of the cell. That put her mind at ease for the most part. If Quinn was up and walking around Skye wouldn’t trust herself to keep calm.

 

Skye nearly jumped when she felt a hand touch her knee. She looked to her right and saw May crouching down in the storm drain. May made herself somewhat comfortable in the pipeline brushing her shoulder against Skye’s.

 

“You alright?” May asked quietly.

 

“Fine, just, thinking.” Skye spoke with a faraway look in her eyes as they drifted back to the tablet.

 

“All you have to do is talk to him. It’s simple, he thinks he knows you, what buttons to push, and how to get under your skin.” May tried to instill some form of confidence in her student.

 

“He _does._ ” Skye affirmed.

 

“Then don’t let him.” May spoke evenly. Skye turned to look at her SO with confusion evident in her features.

 

“You know how to wear a mask when needed, and better than most people I’ve met. Wear one in there and you’ll be fine.” May explained.

 

“What’s Ward’s deal with Coulson?” Skye spoke up suddenly. May was taken aback by the question.

 

“He told you?” May asked skeptically.

 

“Not any specifics,” Skye lied. He hadn’t told her anything and she’d been a little preoccupied to bother pursuing it.

 

“I can’t tell you anything about that, Skye.” May apologized.

 

“Oh come on!” Skye complained throwing her head back lightly. She didn’t use much force because she wasn’t interested in hitting her head on a dirty metal pipe.

 

“Skye, the deal doesn’t concern you.” May chastised.

 

“Like hell it doesn’t! He only wanted out to keep an eye on me! Coulson’s only going along with it because you two think I’m spiraling!” Skye’s yelling echoed in the drainage pipe.

 

“Skye calm down!” May winced as Skye’s voice reverberated in the small pipe.

 

“Forget it, just forget it.” Skye mumbled annoyed as she grabbed the tablet at her feet and stormed out of the drain.

 

May released a sigh and let her head fall back against the pipe. She pulled out a burner phone and pressed a button for speed dial.

 

Two rings later the other end picks up.

 

“Hey, it’s me. We need to talk about it.” May spoke calmly and clearly making sure each word was annunciated properly so the listener to hear them correctly.

 

\--

 

Once Ward had finished his story, he raised his eyes from the fixed point on the floor he found and looked into the eyes of the agents he hadn’t known longer than a day.

 

The three of them looked impassive but Ward saw the emotions spiraling in their eyes. It wasn’t sympathy or concern, more so just sadness that stemmed from human compassion.

 

Everything Ward was trained to think was a weakness.

“So, the woods? For five years with nothing but a dog to keep you company?” Bobbi questioningly summarized. She felt a pit of sadness well inside her at the memory of Ward having to shoot the dog.

 

“So how do we know you didn’t make the whole thing up?” Mack spoke up.

 

“You don’t,” Ward stated simply. He stood from the barstool and walked out of the lab.

 

He needed a drink. A strong drink.

 

\--

 

Skye was pacing around her bunk aimlessly. She was filled with restless energy that needed an outlet but she couldn’t think of one that wouldn’t involve Ward one way or the other.

 

If she went down to the punching bag, he would hear her and check on her. That might lead to something that Skye needed to stop letting happen.

 

If she went to the firing range, she wasted ammo that was quickly becoming the most expensive thing for S.H.I.E.L.D. at the moment.

 

If she went for a drive, there was the chance that HYDRA might see her and try to tail her back to the PLAYGROUND.

 

So, she’s left with one outlet. Alcohol.

 

Lots of alcohol.

 

\--

 

The PLAYGROUND had a bar. Every S.H.I.E.L.D. installation had a bar, even the ones that were converted from SSR bases. Drinking came with the territory. Something that could burn away the painful memories and give an agent time to deal with them.

 

For Ward, this piece of information was invaluable. He had demons he’d rather drown in scotch than look at longer than he absolutely had to.

 

After pouring him a double and throwing it back in a neat swig, Ward filled him another glass. The burning liquid soothed the fraying emotions that were clawing at his throat.

 

The alcohol was having the desired effect, numbing his senses. It didn’t numb them enough that Ward was still able to hear Skye walk into the room. The sounds of her footsteps had diminished greatly from the time they’d lived on the BUS, but he could still hear the pitter patter of her feat against the ground.

 

It was a sound that wouldn’t leave his mind no matter what.

 

“What can I get you?” Ward spoke calmly without turning around. Skye was slightly startled. She still wasn’t quite used to people detecting her without their eyes. She’s gotten better at it, yes, but she still wasn’t up to part with May yet.

 

Or Ward for that matter.

 

“Something strong. Preferably quick to knock me out before I say something stupid.” Skye ordered quietly sitting on the stool next to him.

 

“You never say anything stupid.” Ward said sarcastically. Skye playfully punched him in the shoulder before he stood to grab a glass and pour her a drink.

 

The pair drink in comfortable silence. Skye hates herself for it. She wasn’t supposed to fall into old habits with him much less the bed. He just made her feel weightless for a while. It was nice, not having that overwhelming feeling of _guilt_ over everything she did. She knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. was doing the right thing, the methods just had to become a little, harsher.

 

Ward watched her out of the corner of his eye. Skye looked like she was waging a war with herself. Something that Ward knew firsthand wouldn’t lead to anything good. He could kiss her, that normally got her mind off things, but it wasn’t appropriate. It wasn’t needed.

 

Skye needs understanding, not a fuckbuddy.

 

“Care to tell me what made you run off earlier?” Ward brought the issue up. Subtlety with words was never his strong suit.

 

“Not really,” Skye mumbled under her breath before slinging back the rest of her scotch. She made a move for the bottle but Ward placed it across the bar out of her reach.

 

Skye gave him a look of mock annoyance before walking around and plucking the bottle from his weak grip.

 

He wasn’t going to stop her. He never would.

 

“You need to talk, Skye.” Ward pushed focusing on the wood paneling of the bar rather than her eyes.

 

“I don’t want to.” Skye knew she sounded like a stubborn child but she didn’t care. Talking about it wasn’t going to make it go away.

 

The agents continued nursing their drinks for a moment before Skye let a question slip out.

 

“What’s your deal with Coulson?” Skye kept her voice even but Ward saw the underlying anger in her eyes.

 

_Still don’t like secrets do you?_ Ward thought amusedly while he absentmindedly started rubbing the bracelet on his wrist.

 

“It’s nothing you need to worry about.” Ward tried to deter her, he didn’t want her worrying more about it than needed.

 

“Ward, _what is it?_ ” Skye was starting to get pissed.

 

Ward released a sigh knowing that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

 

“It’s not really a difficult thing to understand.” Ward started. Skye caught the whitening of his knuckles as he got his thoughts together.

 

The deal wasn’t something he liked, go figure.

 

“I keep an eye on you, and help out with the field missions. In return, Coulson keeps me above ground. That’s the deal.” Ward slung his scotch back and let the burn take care of lingering anger he had toward the man in charge.

 

Animals never did fare well when cornered.

 

“Keep an eye on me?” Skye raised an eyebrow at that. “Because I’m pretty sure you’ve kept a _lot_ more on me than just your eye.”

 

“And like I told May when she brought it up, _you_ initiate. I never make the first move.” Ward defended himself again.

 

“I know,” Skye spoke softly, laying her hand on top of his wrist. Skye bit her lip as the emotions clawed at her throat.

 

“Thank you.” She managed to choke out before clamping down on her voice again before it could crack.

 

“Don’t thank me,” Ward argued.

 

Skye nodded her head and tightened her grip on his wrist.

 

“Not for that, for staying. I know you could’ve left anytime you wanted to. And you’ve probably _really_ wanted to a couple of times.” Skye clarified.

 

Ward let her words sink in. It wasn’t like he _didn’t_ want to just disappear. The thought crossed his mind more than once when he was out there. It would have been so easy, just slip away from them while they weren’t looking, fade into the crowd, and get to a safe house. There was just one snag in that plan.

 

He’d have to leave Skye to the same pain he endured for years. Ward wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy.

 

Skye’s grip on his wrist had soften. The metal was starting to bite into his skin with the extra weight. It wasn’t painful per se, but it wasn’t pleasant. Ward looked at the device with disdain. He never enjoyed having his movements restricted. He put up with it for the job but not for long.

 

Skye was leaning forward on the bar. She was snaking closer to Ward’s face and he felt his eyes closing in anticipation. Skye bit her lip before closing the distance.

 

It wasn’t exactly the first time they’d kissed, but it was the first time since that couch in Providence that they kissed with no ulterior motive, sex included. The spark was electric. The current didn’t move through the rest of their bodies, however, and stayed in their lips, making Skye very reluctant to part from him even when she felt her lungs start burning for some oxygen.

 

The bracelet letting out a high pitched beep forced them apart. Ward looked at the device like he wanted to cut his hand off. Maybe he did.

 

“What’s that mean?” Skye asked still leaning close to his face.

 

“It means Coulson wants to see me.” Ward explained.

 

“It can’t wait?” Skye asked with a little pout. Ward smirked and kissed her again before standing from the bar.

 

“I’m afraid not, good night.” Ward bid goodbye.

 

“What makes you think I’m going to bed?” Skye asked with a teasing smile.

 

“Because those purple lines under your eyes tell me you haven’t slept since we left for the mission. Now go to bed.” Ward chastised.

 

Skye flipped him off when he turned his back and poured herself another round of scotch.

 

She wasn’t going to sleep too well tonight anyway.

 

\--

 

Ward sat down in the chair in front of Coulson’s desk and waited for the Director to speak. This situation was becoming more familiar than Ward would have liked, but he didn’t have a say in the matter.

 

When Coulson finished shuffling papers on his desk, he turned his attention to Ward.

 

“I want Skye to interrogate Quinn.” Coulson dispensed with the pleasantries and got to the point.

 

“You’re joking right?” Ward sassed.

 

“No,” Coulson said deadpanned.

 

Ward’s face fell. He didn’t think Coulson would actually try that tactic. Fury absolutely would. Garrett would have already done it by now and probably made her execute him as a reward.

 

Coulson, or at least the Coulson Ward dealt with on the plane, would have never told Skye that Quinn was even in the vicinity. Director status makes everyone grow up eventually.

 

“Why tell me?” Ward spoke after a moment of silence.

 

“Because I want you in there with her.” Coulson said in an authoritative tone.

 

“Wouldn’t May be better? She’s Skye’s SO now.” Ward didn’t let the bitterness at those words seep into his voice.

 

He was Skye’s SO once; some of the happiest days of his life.

 

“Yes, but May thinks it would be better if you were in there to make sure Skye doesn’t try anything. She’s calmer around you, more open. You might be able to read her body language better than May could.” Coulson reasoned.

 

“Yeah, body language.” Ward mumbled under his breath.

 

“Listen, I know Skye’s losing trust in us and you had very little to begin with, but this needs to be done.” Coulson pleaded.

 

“I know it does, Coulson. Don’t even bother with telling me why, I really don’t care.” Ward stopped him when Coulson opened his mouth to defend his actions.

 

“Then I guess I’ll see you both in the morning.” Coulson dismissed.

 

\--

 

Skye was still drinking at the bar. It must’ve been her eighth or ninth round. And they were doubles, so that _lovely_ buzz found a place in Skye’s head faster than she anticipated.

 

Still, it made what she was doing easier. A lot easier.

 

Simmons was in the lab, alone. That was where she spent most of her time when she couldn’t sleep on the BUS. After her bout with the alien virus, Skye remembered Simmons being in the lab for almost 60 hours straight. Fitz had to physically grab her and haul Simmons over his shoulder to get her to relax.

 

Fitz was smaller than Ward, or even Hunter, but he had some upper body strength. It’s not like Simmons weighed that much either.

 

Skye took a shaky, alcohol filled breath. She needed to do this. Simmons wasn’t going to understand what was going on if someone didn’t explain it to her.

 

If Skye wasn’t so inebriated, maybe she wouldn’t have knocked over the tray full of surgical equipment. Then again, it’s not like Skye was the most graceful creature on the base.

 

Simmons looked up when she heard the metal clatter on the ground. She gave Skye a small, warm smile that almost made Skye turn tail and run.

 

Skye couldn’t run though. She needed to do this.

 

“Skye, can I help you with something?” Simmons asked with that sweet British tone that would make all of HYDRA crumble underneath her, ready to please.

 

“Don’t talk, just listen.” Skye’s voice was brittle and ridden with the smell of scotch. Simmons could smell it despite the ten feet between them.

 

“Skye have you been drink-“

 

“Ward and I have been having sex.” Skye blurted the words out, hoping that would take the sting out of the words.

 

“Oh, I see.” Though Simmons spoke softly, her eyes were hard.

 

She didn’t approve.

 

“I know what he did to you and Fitz, I’m not forgetting that, it’s just- He makes me forget about Donnie, and about the other targets.” Skye’s words were jumbled, unfocused. She was trying to defend something that she knew didn’t have a defense.

 

“Skye,” Simmons stopped her rambling. The reasoning didn’t matter. “Please leave.”

 

But the reasoning _always_ mattered to a scientist.

 

“Jemma, please just listen to me.” Skye’s voice was taking a bubbly gargle that accompanied any drunk’s attempt at speech.

 

“Leave Skye, now.” Simmons spoke forcefully, making Skye cringe.

 

Simmons didn’t get angry often, even after the HYDRA fiasco.

 

“Okay,” Skye spoke softly.

 

The strength of alcohol wasn’t enough this time.

 

\--

 

Ward walked back to the bar in the lounge to see if Skye was still there. He was instead greeted with an empty bottle.

 

Skye wasn’t there. That was his main concern. Ward knew he only drank about a fifth of the bottle. _Anybody_ walking around with that much alcohol in them wasn’t something that needed to happen.

 

The fact that it was Skye just set his senses on high alert. Skye wasn’t in a good state of mind for any alcohol-induced talks, especially if it was with the person he thought it would be.

 

Ward took off at a brisk pace. If people didn’t know Skye was drunk he wasn’t going to tell anyone.

 

He just had to find her first.

 

\--

 

Finding Skye didn’t prove too difficult. There weren’t that many places she could go quietly if she really did down the rest of the scotch. So when Ward finds a storm drain along the outer wall of the PLAYGROUND, it was safe to say he wasn’t shocked to see Skye in a near fetal position inside it.

 

Skye had her back to him but she knew it was Ward. She knew it was him for the same reason that she’s actually been sleeping alright on top of him and why Simmons didn’t like the idea of Skye having sex with him.

 

Her heart recognized him faster than her senses ever could. It pined for him, even when she buried herself in missions and trainings. She could push it from her consciousness long enough to get the job done but after? After was when she found herself inside her bunk doing planks or pushups or sit ups or whatever the hell it took to exhaust her body to the point of just passing out.

 

Ward sat down in the drain pipe, its narrow frame not at all accommodating to his height. Skye remained curled in a tight ball, her hair obscuring her face from what she assumed would be Ward’s soft gaze.

 

Ward didn’t attempt to put a hand on her shoulder or any other comforting gesture. He just sat there and waited for her to make the next move. Skye had to be the one in control, she had to.

 

This didn’t work any other way.

 

When Skye didn’t move for another few moments, Ward got concerned that she climbed in here for impending blackout that accompanied a large helping of scotch.

 

That was until he heard a whimper.

 

Most wouldn’t have heard it, trained ears were required to hear something that small. Ward wished he wasn’t trained.

 

Before he realized it, Ward had tucked a strand of Skye’s hair behind her ear to get a better look at her face. Tear tracks stained her cheeks. Ward felt a painful twist in his stomach that made him want to pull Skye into his lap and never let her go.

 

He almost gave into that temptation, but her words stopped him.

 

“They hate me,” Her voice was so soft, weak, that Ward almost didn’t hear her.

 

“They don’t hate you.” Ward tried to console her.

 

“Yeah they do.” Skye said dejectedly. “They don’t want me anymore.”

 

Ward grimaced at those words. This was what he was afraid of. Skye reverting back to the days of the orphanage, the days she didn’t talk about with anyone, including him.

 

“I gave them everything. My body, my mind, my soul. And they’re throwing me away like I’m nothing. All because of you.” Ward’s eyes shut in pain as the last words left Skye’s lips with a bitter tone.

 

“Leave,” Skye commanded with a barely concealed anger.

 

“Skye, we can so-“

 

“I said leave!” Skye clambered away from him until she was on her knees.

 

Ward released a sigh. Skye’s face held her anger and pain inside, only showing the tear stains and puffiness of her dilated eyes. She took a breath trying to maintain her heartrate, but Skye knew it was well above 61bpm.

 

It always was with him.

 

Ward climbed out of the drainage pipe, his spine the only thing feeling better for it. He left Skye to her misery and stepped back inside the base.

 

He was only allowed outside the perimeter if he was with another agent anyway.

 

Skye bit her lip in a failed attempt to stifle her sobs. Her entire body shook with the force of her silent cries. She curled in on herself and laid back down in the dirty drainage pipe.

 

No one ever wanted her. Even when she gave them everything.

 

\--

 

Ward walked through the base back to his bunk with his shoulders hung low. He knew Skye was drunk when she told him to leave but even drunken words carried truth.

 

The others weren’t going to care about Skye anymore if she continued whatever it was that they had. The answer was simple, he had to leave.

 

It wasn’t going to be a difficult thing to do, Coulson and May were good at planning but their execution needed work. Maybe if Ward ever came back he would offer to help.

 

Once Ward was in his bunk he grabbed a burner phone out of his box. He always kept a few in his bunk on the BUS in case of emergency; guess this counted.

 

The bracelet was a little tricky though. It was tuned to his pulse and that meant if he removed it, Coulson would either think he’s trying to escape or needs serious medical attention; either one was enough to ensure that there would be a fight. Ward didn’t want a fight with his old Team or the newbies.

 

Ward pulled the tablet on his desk and inserted a USB into the port. He pulled up a program he kept on a remote drive.

 

He couldn’t hack, but Ward knew his way around restraints courtesy of the old S.H.I.E.L.D.

 

The S.H.I.E.L.D. that Coulson was building wasn’t doing too much to change.

 

\--

 

Coulson was flipping through the holographic files on the TOOLBOX, organizing the information on his agents and targets with the locations he wanted to have them in soon.

 

The next assassination was coming up, a major drug dealer in Mexico that got his hands on some substance that instilled a new high in his customers. So far no side effects have been reported by the local clinics but that didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be any later.

 

The mission was perfect for Ward and Skye. The two people Coulson would have never guessed would become his go to Specialist team.

 

Skye always showed promise. She had determination that would make Fury proud if he’d ever stuck around long enough to see her in the field. May trained her to the point of near excellence. There were still some rough edges, but she was improved to the point that Coulson thought she was almost ready for solo work.

 

A real Specialist.

 

That was until Donnie. Maybe Coulson pushed Skye too far, maybe May left out the part of crossing off a target meant putting them down, permanently. Whatever the case, Skye hadn’t been the same since. She’s been unstable, raw. This was something that was going to pose a problem soon and Ward was only delaying the inevitable.

 

Maybe Skye needed him around. The SO that took things slow with her versus the one that pushed her far beyond anything Coulson would have thought was possible for someone so green.

 

But then again, Skye always surprised people.

 

Ward was proving to be full of surprises as well. Specialist turned traitor turned Specialist again. It was the way of war, use assets that you have available to you even if you don’t like them.

 

Coulson understood this. Still, he took precautions. The bracelet on Ward’s wrist kept a feed of his pulse, the only real way Fitz and Mack saw to make sure Ward didn’t slip it without them knowing.

 

Fitz, Coulson’s heart bled for him. He had to work with the man that almost killed him. The same man that had left Fitz with irreparable damage to his brain.

 

When Coulson brought the order to Fitz he expected arguments, not the understanding “yes sir” he got instead.

 

When asked why, Fitz just said that Ward was more valuable outside his cell than in, something that seemingly everyone agreed on.

 

Everyone except Simmons, but Simmons was a good agent and could put her personal comfort aside for the sake of the job, proven with going undercover inside HYDRA. Still, it didn’t mean she liked the situation.

 

While Coulson continued organizing his information, the window he had open on a monitor on his desk was reading the feed from Ward’s bracelet. 62bpm, steady heartrate for a Specialist.

 

If Coulson was paying attention, he might have caught the 2 seconds that Ward’s pulse flat lined on the screen before picking back up again.

 

It was probably just a calibration error, they happen all the time.

 

\--

 

May saw Ward walk in from outside the base, no doubt talking to Skye given the hunch of his shoulders. May almost felt bad for the guy, woman he loved wasn’t exactly making his life easy.

 

She _almost_ felt bad. He deserved every bit of anger and confusion he got.

 

An hour later the thought that Ward may spiral back to the way he was in his cell forced May’s conscious to go check on him. She didn’t like him, but the others didn’t need to see a body.

 

\--

 

She was going to kill him. That was decided when May found his bunk empty and his bracelet lying on the desk hooked up to a tablet running a cycle of his heartbeat.

 

May started walking through the base, making a beeline for Coulson’s office when she saw Mack carrying Skye in from outside.

 

“What happened?” May asked briskly when she caught up to him.

 

“I think someone had a little too much to drink tonight. I found her inside the drainage pipe above the garage; no harm done.” Mack replied in his usually calm demeanor.

 

“Take her to her room and lay her down.” May ordered before resuming her pace to Coulson’s office. Mack shrugged with the unconscious girl still in his arms and began the walk to her bunk.

 

\--

 

May didn’t bother knocking. She never did.

 

Coulson nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his door open. What followed though, almost made him drop.

 

“Ward’s escaped.” May said tensely.

 

“How?” Coulson asked before he looked at the screen that was still showing Ward’s heartbeat on the base.

 

“He set up a loop on a tablet and ditched the bracelet. My guess is he left through the bathroom. He avoided all of our agents and the cameras. He’s gone, Phil.” May’s annoyance was forefront in her tone.

 

“We’ll catch him.” Coulson tried to assure her.

 

“Don’t give me that crap, Coulson. You and I both know if he wants to stay gone he will.” May seethed.

 

“Than what do you want me to do?” Coulson asked.

 

“Right now, get ready to talk to Skye in the morning.” May said in a noticeably calmer tone.

 

“Why? Did something happen?” Coulson asked.

 

May rolled her eyes. “Yes, her anchor just bolted and she was found passed out drunk in a drain pipe.”

 

Tomorrow was going to be fun…

**Author's Note:**

> So Skye got drunk and said things. Did she mean them? Are her abandonment issues coming to light? And Ward's gone. Is Skye going to be involved in finding him, or is Coulson going to make her sit this one out?
> 
> And what about Quinn? I actually forgot I had Quinn sitting in the basement... should probably bring him back in.


End file.
